A Mess To Forget

Sometimes I feel like such a mess and have no desire to do anything about it. I just have to let it pass and which a minute can seem like an eternity. This is the lie of my self defense mechanism that keeps trying to trap me in the sickness of despair and powerlessness. Trauma is not a joke and it takes a lot of awareness to not let it drown me in the patterns of darkness. It sometimes seems like this traumatic response is neverending and hopeless. I then remember how far I have come and how much change has happened over the years since I got clean. This gives me another chance to see things in perspective then which allows me to free myself from the bondage of self. Sometimes life is just heavy and we have to be with all of the weight of the world. I remember that it is not mine to carry anymore. I cannot change what other people do and only have to change what I need to so I can be more joyous happy and free. When I direct my energy to my own lane and keep it lite and loving. The world is not such a problem in this awareness. I have no idea what I am doing half the time and that makes life such a great mystery of a learning experience. I will continue to do my best at telling myself I am loveable, acceptable, and worthy of happiness. I am enough by being enough no matter what. I will no longer destroy my joy over some past trauma and loss of others. They would want the best for me as do I and God.

Art Gaia Frazee 1/12/2024 11:33 Pm

A mess to forget